Lessons from Motherhood · My Faith · Scripture

Rollercoaster

Being a Mum is an emotional roller coaster ride. But then so is being a child, one minute little S is happy, giggling shouting ‘tickle Mummy tickle Mummy’ and chasing me. Next minute he can be in floods of tears and I’m not even sure why. I don’t know about other Mum’s but I find it really hard not to ride these emotions with him. It is exhausting.

One day last week little S had a bad day it seemed that no matter how clear the floor was he would trip over, he walked into things fell over himself and he got really fed up. Each time I would scoop him up cuddle him, check him over and try to be positive and encourage him to go and play. When hubby got home I was ready to cry myself, I felt useless and unable to help my little boy who is usually so happy and bouncy.

Bed time came round which he didn’t want to do despite being very tired. He got into bed feeling very sorry for himself, then he banged his head. It was the last straw for him and he cried, and cried. We sat with him feeling awful. Eventually he slept. I sat on the floor stroking his head and sobbed. I felt rung out and like an awful mother who couldn’t protect her baby from falling and getting frustrated at his own body. I wanted so much to remove that day and pretend it never happened.

As I sat I thought of the times I have wept and cried out to Jesus, especially in the early days, the many times I have fallen and how He is always there to pick me up. I thought of all the instances in the bible where He is sorrowful because of peoples pain, how He healed and comforted, and how He still does those things today. I know that He loves my boy more than I ever can and that He can be, and is, there for Him. I felt better knowing that He is on the side of my children as well as me, that He helps me to carry these difficult emotions and teaches me more about His love and compassion for us through them.

I am reminded of Matthew 7:11

If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

I love my boy more than I ever thought possible but the Lord loves him more as He does all of us. I am so grateful that I can go to Him and cry and weep over the difficult days and He will sustain me, He helps me to continue to be there for Little S as He understands, He hurts too when Little S is hurting He knows how I feel and He cares about my whole family.

I am definitely beginning to understand what it means in Isaiah 40:11 where it says:

He tends his flock like a shepherd:
    He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
    he gently leads those that have young.

 

Thank you Lord.

 

 

Advertisements
Christian growth · Lessons from Motherhood

Moaning

As little S is now in full toddler mode, he is becoming more independent and insisting on his own way. This has so far been a learning curve for me and Im finding it hard not to be frustrated and to practice patience. Being 8 months pregnant does not help with this 😉.

The Lord God also became frustrated with the Israelites after they were freed from slavery in Egypt. They complained about everything despite the Lord providing food and water and shoes that never wore down.

Listening to little S has made me realise how frustrating it is to provide for someone and then they moan at you. He is such a lovely little boy and I love him dearly but this doesn’t mean that as he grows and pushes his boundaries that it isn’t hard some days to communicate to him when I know whats best.

Thinking on this reminded me of the times I have moaned about things and asked for an easier path. I am so grateful that The Lord is gracious and faithful and kind and patient as I struggle to be and I am reminded how I must lean on him and ask him for His strength to be these things towards my little boy.

2 years ago I prayed for something that I now have and I have been moaning about it, I have been ungrateful for this answered prayer simply because it wasn’t answered in my time and it wasn’t what I expected it to be. Oh how I am just like my little toddler! But God continues to bless me, continues to help me grow and learn in the difficult days so I can be more like the Lord Jesus.

Oh what a wonderful God I serve! One who’s mercy is there for me as it was for the Israelites.

Hebrews 13,8 Belper Coppice 22.11.08

 

Lessons from Motherhood · My Faith

Temptation

Being a Mum has taught me a lot about my walk with the Lord, it has shined a light on many things I do that I had no idea that I was doing.

Little S is now a full on running about, into everything toddler, we have found ourselves moving things higher and higher until even we can’t reach it.

We have a cupboard that had DVDs in it, once little S realised how to open the cupboard he was finding it loads of fun to pull them out, take of the covers and run around with them. So obviously I had to tell him to stop, a few times but eventually he got the picture. One day I watched him slowly move over to the cupboard, open it, and stand in front of the DVDs jumping up and down and getting upset because he knew he couldn’t touch them. I was right behind him telling him it was OK and showing him all his toys that he could play with but he wouldn’t acknowledge me. He got himself in such a state that I decided to move them elsewhere and put his toys in the cupboard instead.

It made me think… How many times have I been faced with temptation and refused to look around to my father who is waiting to help me?

The word says: 1 Corinthians 10:13 – There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God [is] faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear [it].

I was right behind little S ready to help him he was surrounded by his toys all of which he was allowed to have but he still stood in front of the DVDs getting very stressed. How many times has my Father been waiting to help me? How many times have I forgotten all the wonderful gifts and joys knowing Him has brought me because I was so focused on something that I shouldn’t have or do, something that would cause me harm. Forgetting all I had to do was turn to Him?

I ultimately ended up moving the DVDs and I know there are times that The Lord has removed something from my life that was interfering with my relationship with Him and if we do fall The Lord is so gracious and merciful as:

Lessons from Motherhood · My Faith

Treasure

Little S has a small money box where he puts his pocket money from his Mama. He has learned that if you give him a coin, to wait until you get his money box and then he will put in into the slot.

The other day he found my purse and in it where some coins, he sat and waited so I let him put some into his money box, he turned it over and discovered that he can open it, take them out and put them back in, which was a very fun game. While he was doing this he found a note in there which he pulled out, examined then threw it behind him.

This got me thinking. Because little S doesn’t understand money yet he had no idea that the note was worth more than the 20ps he was taking out and putting back, but they where shiny and more interesting to look at, so, in his mind, they must be more important of his attention. I have been thinking about all the things that I am drawn to in life, things that take me away from the more valuable time I should be spending with Jesus. Unlike Little S I should know better, but I still find myself logging into Facebook or putting on the TV instead of going to my Bible.

In Gods word it says:

19Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: 20But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: 21For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Matthew 13:44-46

It may be shiny and endearing and even make me feel a bit better in that moment, but it does not last, unlike the peace and joy of knowing Jesus. The Lord has promised so much to those of us that accept Him as their savior and that should be where my focus is, that should be my treasure, He should be what I desire more than anything.

It is hard, because I am a Mum and I am very tired, and when I get a moment I do tend to fall asleep. But I think  thinking about him, focusing on Him in daily life is seeking Him above all else. At the moment I have been guilty of focusing on problems, meetings, housework, crafts, social media, news events, my weight and what I eat. God  desires a deep relationship that involves all aspects of life, I can talk to him no matter where I am or what I am doing I can read and meditate on His word one verse at a time and its OK if I forget what I have read in the brain fog of changing nappies and dealing with tantrums. He understands that I have to deal with Little S, I have to cook meals etc but its where I point my heart that matters, that’s where my treasure lies and, like Little S’s notes that treasure is worth so much more that what I do focus on.

4470870605_57fa48d381_o

Lessons from Motherhood · Uncategorized

Influenced

3852742101_bf62a35c9d_o

As Little S gets older he seems to be taking more and more in of his surroundings. I’m finding he’s doing things and I have no idea where its from or where he’s seen it. One example is he started covering his mouth and pretending to cough, I found out he saw his Dad do it. It’s what we all did as children, we copied others actions and learned from those around us. Sometimes that’s a good thing, sometimes no so much.

As I think about this I wondered if this stops once we become adults and I thought about what the bible says about copying:

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
 Romans 12:2

Here we are being told to not allow the world to influence us, that we are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds…

To renew means to start over, replenish, restart and when I looked up the opposite to renew thesaurus.com says this:

Destroy, finish, halt, shorten, stop, break, damage, depress, discourage, hurt, kill, leave alone, ruin.
Not nice! But this is what the world does, God renews us daily yet the world wears us down until we are broken. There is no rest in the world, but there is in Jesus, a very real and genuine rest. That we have access to every day.

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. – 2 Corinthians 2:16

I was once in a car going past a large hedge surrounding a field, we passed a sheep who had found a hole in the hedge and was trotting onto the very busy main road, there was a queue of sheep behind all following the first sheep.

I believe that when the Lord describes us as sheep that this is one of the reasons why. From birth we copy each other and we don’t stop and think about if it’s a good or right thing. When we turn to Christ He breaks us free of this stronghold but we have to keep asking God to help us not to be influenced by the world. We need to be careful of what we watch, read and listen to, including conversations we have. It’s not easy but we have to remember we are not part of the world anymore, we are are part of the Kingdom of God. And the only one we should be following and copying is Jesus.

Little S doesn’t know what he is copying and right now he will copy whatever he sees, we may have a little more discernment as adults but that doesn’t mean we don’t succumb to the same thing. As Christians we have to realise that just because someone is claiming that what they are doing is in Gods will, we should not be gullible and always look to scripture as our guide.  And remember, Jesus is our Good Shepherd and He is always looking out for those of us who are following who we shouldn’t be. We have to have our hearts open and ready to hear Him call us back.

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:
John 10:27

Lessons from Motherhood · My Faith

Newborn

30272095756_a015647317_z

When I came home with Little S, I was so shocked by how deeply I had the need to hold him. In fact his Dad and I hardly put him down for the first few months of his life. I held him all day and it felt wonderful, some days were very hard as I struggled to calm him down, not knowing why he was crying. I was exhausted from it and had a relapse of my dizzyness, but he was so worth it. I just wanted to look at him all the time hold him close as I was amazed by this little precious life I’d been given to take care of. In my eyes he was perfect and I’ve never felt love like it. The need to take care of Him was so deep.

It reminded me of when I first turned to Jesus. I felt so elated but also overwhelmed as I was still very ill and at the beginning of a long journey. The Lord held me close the whole time, He never put me down and as Little S slept in my arms most of the time, I rested in the Lords arms, like Little S would cry when he needed something I cried often (daily in fact) turning to Jesus for comfort. He fed me (1 peter 2:2) and He held me, He did everything for me and really made His presence felt for the first few years. The difference is, He never grew weary or tired as I did, He never became frustrated from not knowing what I needed as He always knew. Much like how a new Mum holds their baby, comforts them, feeds them God does this with all His newborns and His love is so deep for us, even more so than mine is for Little S. When We first come to Him we hold a special place in His heart and He desires to hold us close and protect us.

Like Little S has done we do grow and we need less reassurance but we will always need our Father to guide us and comfort us, we will mature in Him and grow in Him as we study His word, talk to Him, walk closely with Him our relationship with Him changes as mine has with Little S, he still needs lots of cuddles and lots of help but I stand back a little now and only step in when he gets in a mess. Like little S I don’t cry as much now and I am learning new ways to communicate my needs and desires.  But even though our relationship with Him changes, He never changes and the loving caring Father who held me so tightly for the first few years of my life with Him still loves me just as deeply and always will.  As he does for all us.

and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:3