Lessons from Motherhood · Uncategorized

Smile

Little A is now starting to smile, I can see his eyes beginning to focus in on things and when he sees me, he beams. It’s beautiful to see. He’s been looking around for weeks, following our voices and trying to see us.

One of my favourite hymns is written by Fanny Crosby, called my saviour first of all it talks about opening our eyes and seeing Jesus and knowing instantly that it’s Him.

Much like when little A’s eyes focus in on me and I almost see him realise I’m his Mum, the one who has been gently holding him and talking to him since he was conceived.

Seeing the joy in little A’s eyes reminds me of the joy to come when I open my eyes and see Jesus. Right now I see through faith, I hear His voice in His word and see His creation. But one day everything will be clear, I will have understanding, I will be held physically by Him, I will be able to put my head on His chest, like John did at the last supper.

Meanwhile I wait in anticipation while seeking Him, speaking with Him, reading His word and enjoying all the pleasures He has provided including my beautiful boys wonderful smile.

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Lessons from Motherhood · Uncategorized

My Refuge

7 weeks ago the Lord blessed us again with another baby boy, our hearts are full and our home is complete with this little soul. It has been a very different experience than with little S but my love for little A is just as much, he is a very expressive baby and he has bought us all such joy.

One thing I am finding a bit harder this time is that I am unable to hold him as much as I did little S, I hardly put little S down but, this time I have a toddler to look after as well. However, I hold him as much as I can. Like little S he prefers to be in my arms and sleeps so much more soundly there. He doesn’t like being away from me right now as even though he is only a few weeks old, he knows who I am and that I love him deeply. He knows in mine (and his dads) arms is the best place to be as we provide his food, his comfort, his warmth, we hold him close and keep him safe. We are his entire world and he desires to be held by us. He can’t see us clearly but he knows we are there and that we are the ones who provide for him.

This is how it should be with Jesus, we are His children, He is our source of spiritual food, He is our comfort, Our peace, our safety  and He loves us deeply. He is the one who holds us close and loves to have us in His arms more so than I love to have my babies in mine. Go to Him, He is waiting to embrace you and hold you close.

For I both lay down in peace and sleep, for you, Lord, only makest me dwell in peace. Psalm 4:8

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I drew this one night when Little A had fallen asleep on me as I mediated on this blog post.

Uncategorized

Prince of Peace

Between 701 and 681 before the birth of Christ these words were written:

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6

The fulfillment of these words are what we celebrate on Christmas Day and I pray all those who read this has The Lord’s peace reigning in their hearts.

God Bless you all

 

 

 

Christian growth · Uncategorized

Pacing

I have recently started going out jogging with a friend, she is a lot better than me as I am just a beginner. I never realised how satisfying it is to run and I am enjoying it a lot but I am finding that I can’t go as fast or as often as I want to. But I do not want to give up and I am learning a lot about what it means to persevere and pace myself.

I have found out than when you run you have to set a pace and to me it feels like I am going too slow at first but I have quickly learned (the hard way) that if I start off too fast then I can’t keep it up so I have to start at what feels like a slow pace as, as I go on it does not stay feeling like a slow pace. If I start off too fast I run out of steam and wear myself out.

In Hebrews 12:1 it says:

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

Here Paul is drawing a comparison between our walk with the Lord and a race and He says we are to do three things, lay aside our weight and our sin and run patiently. When I am running I think of this as I realise that I am in this for the long haul and if I don’t want to burn out I have to pace myself like I do when I am out jogging. Sometimes that feels like I am not doing enough but when it comes to a busier time then I realise that it was wise not to take on any more as I wouldn’t be able to do it all when life gets hard, or I get ill or when I have more things I need to do. And I am finding I need to be more patient at the slower times when my pace feels too slow more so than when it is ‘faster’, just like when I am out jogging.

There is only one way to be successful at this and that is explained in the next verse:

“Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2

Whether my pace seems slow or fast I need to always look to Jesus, remember who He is and what He did and He is the one who will get me through.

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Lessons from Motherhood · Uncategorized

Influenced

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As Little S gets older he seems to be taking more and more in of his surroundings. I’m finding he’s doing things and I have no idea where its from or where he’s seen it. One example is he started covering his mouth and pretending to cough, I found out he saw his Dad do it. It’s what we all did as children, we copied others actions and learned from those around us. Sometimes that’s a good thing, sometimes no so much.

As I think about this I wondered if this stops once we become adults and I thought about what the bible says about copying:

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
 Romans 12:2

Here we are being told to not allow the world to influence us, that we are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds…

To renew means to start over, replenish, restart and when I looked up the opposite to renew thesaurus.com says this:

Destroy, finish, halt, shorten, stop, break, damage, depress, discourage, hurt, kill, leave alone, ruin.
Not nice! But this is what the world does, God renews us daily yet the world wears us down until we are broken. There is no rest in the world, but there is in Jesus, a very real and genuine rest. That we have access to every day.

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. – 2 Corinthians 2:16

I was once in a car going past a large hedge surrounding a field, we passed a sheep who had found a hole in the hedge and was trotting onto the very busy main road, there was a queue of sheep behind all following the first sheep.

I believe that when the Lord describes us as sheep that this is one of the reasons why. From birth we copy each other and we don’t stop and think about if it’s a good or right thing. When we turn to Christ He breaks us free of this stronghold but we have to keep asking God to help us not to be influenced by the world. We need to be careful of what we watch, read and listen to, including conversations we have. It’s not easy but we have to remember we are not part of the world anymore, we are are part of the Kingdom of God. And the only one we should be following and copying is Jesus.

Little S doesn’t know what he is copying and right now he will copy whatever he sees, we may have a little more discernment as adults but that doesn’t mean we don’t succumb to the same thing. As Christians we have to realise that just because someone is claiming that what they are doing is in Gods will, we should not be gullible and always look to scripture as our guide.  And remember, Jesus is our Good Shepherd and He is always looking out for those of us who are following who we shouldn’t be. We have to have our hearts open and ready to hear Him call us back.

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:
John 10:27

My Faith · Uncategorized

Confidence

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I recently read a blog post by a fellow sister in Christ about self esteem, its a good post as she stands against the self esteem movement that seems to be sweeping the Christian community. http://biblelovenotes.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/self-love-is-bad.html

This post caused me to meditate on this issue as I find it troubling. Before I repented and made the choice to follow Christ. I had no confidence in myself and well, I still don’t. I used to be terrified to go out anywhere, talk to people, go on buses, go to the shops, talk to a group of people, speak up. Its something that has got worse as I’ve got older but even as a child I was scared to speak up, of being laughed at, I would wear thick jumpers and coats in summer and hide in the library hoping no one would notice me. I used to say horrible things to myself and about myself to other people, I believed that everyone didn’t like me and that they were right to.

Like I said I still don’t have any confidence in myself…but I go out, I talk to people, I share my testimony to groups of people, I get the bus regularly, I no longer say horrible things about myself that aren’t true, but this has nothing to do with self esteem or confidence in myself.

Its to do with Jesus. My confidence is in Him.

God doesn’t love us because we are wonderful or beautiful, it’s true we are made in His image and everything good in us is because of Him but we chose a different way and rebelled against Him.

God loves us despite of who we are (sinners) and when we see this, repent and trust in Jesus as our saviour and commit to follow him daily then we are clothed in HIS righteousness.

I will rejoice greatly in the LORD, My soul will exult in my God; For He has clothed me with garments of salvation, He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom decks himself with a garland, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. – Isaiah 61:10

It means we can fully give everything to Him. We don’t have to rely on our own confidence, we don’t have to be wonderful or likeable or think highly of ourselves to be somebody, we are God’s children, He has made us somebody by the shedding of His blood. I find that so freeing, I don’t have to think about myself I don’t have to like myself, or even care what others think of me, I am loved by God, despite my failures. Isn’t that amazing?

Because of this I can talk to people, I can sing in front of people, because I do it for Him, for His pleasure, you don’t have to have self esteem if you esteem Jesus above yourself.

Because I have done this, the Holy Spirit lives in me, my body is a temple of Him, it doesn’t matter what I look like as He sees what is inside. Before I didn’t look after myself, I thought I was worthless, I didn’t see the point in even  dressing most days but now I am worth something because of Jesus, He has made me a daughter of God, and so I look after myself. I keep clean and look after my clothes. I am not attractive, I have hair growing out of my chin due to PCOS but I am more concerned about whether or not my heart is attractive. (This doesn’t mean I’m not tempted to be vain because I am and I’ve had to turn to Jesus for help more than once)

Before I felt I was useless, I couldn’t work so that meant that I couldn’t contribute but now I work for the Lord and He can use me no matter who I am or what is wrong with me, I can be housebound, in prison, I can be in hospital unable to move or talk and He can still use me, I am still precious to Him and I am still His and destined to be with Him.

This confidence is so much better that the shallow confidence the world offers and what is sweeping though our Church. It’s real, it’s deep and it’s rooted in Jesus.

Paul said it best when he said everything he had was loss compared to knowing Jesus, this man was esteemed highly in the Jewish community and he was highly educated. He said this:

Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ – Philippians 3:8

Knowing Christ to Him was higher than everything else, including all the things we strive for in order to have self confidence. It’s all loss compared to knowing Jesus, you can think as highly of yourselves as you want but knowing Jesus is the only thing worth anything.

If you are relying on your own self esteem or thinking of yourself more than Jesus or others, if you are doing things in His name but for your own glory or ambition then I urge you to turn to Him today and ask for forgiveness. He will forgive because He is the one who is great, not us and He wants to do great things though us all. For He loves us all the same.

 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4

 

 

 

Uncategorized

Week 15

Dear S,

You are now 15 weeks old and have had a very busy couple of weeks! You are getting better at grabbing things and have started to put toys to your mouth to explore them. You have learned how to take your own dummy out and with lots of concentration you can sort of put it back in ( with a little help from mummy). You do this with your bottle too though that’s not quite so useful;)

We had our second jab day and you were very brave, mummy not so much. Daddy had to go away for the night which meant mama came to help which you loved as it meant lots of walks and cuddles. We discovered that you are too big for your carrycot so had to put you in the pram. You also had your first nighttime walk. You loved this as you love looking around you, taking it all in. You love being in your harness with daddy and walking around the shops, looking at the colours and shapes and smiling at people.

Mummy also took part in her first group Bible study, lots of people came for it and you charmed them all. Mummy felt so blessed that people came over for a study, it was an answer to prayer.

You have been a little bit poorly these past few days as your teeth are starting to come in, you still try to smile through the tears though despite being in pain.

This past week you have found your feet for the first time. Mummy didn’t see it but the lady who helps us from the children’s centre was holding you when you reached for your feet. Since you have been born the Lord has answered my prayers and sent us lots of help and support. Lots of new people have come into our lives which has been overwhelming but also so good as well. Having you has changed my life completely as I never used to see anyone, I was very isolated and you have come along and changed that. Each day we grow in confidence together and get closer. Mummy needs help right now because she is poorly but I pray everyday for help from the Lord and He sends it whether its strengthening me or sending someone to support us and help us.

I love being your mummy, you are a joy to be around.

You are so loved by so many people

Love you

Mummy

Written on the 8th of October 2015

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As the Father hath loved me, so I have loved you: continued ye in my love .
John 15:9