Lessons from Motherhood · My Faith · Scripture

Rollercoaster

Being a Mum is an emotional roller coaster ride. But then so is being a child, one minute little S is happy, giggling shouting ‘tickle Mummy tickle Mummy’ and chasing me. Next minute he can be in floods of tears and I’m not even sure why. I don’t know about other Mum’s but I find it really hard not to ride these emotions with him. It is exhausting.

One day last week little S had a bad day it seemed that no matter how clear the floor was he would trip over, he walked into things fell over himself and he got really fed up. Each time I would scoop him up cuddle him, check him over and try to be positive and encourage him to go and play. When hubby got home I was ready to cry myself, I felt useless and unable to help my little boy who is usually so happy and bouncy.

Bed time came round which he didn’t want to do despite being very tired. He got into bed feeling very sorry for himself, then he banged his head. It was the last straw for him and he cried, and cried. We sat with him feeling awful. Eventually he slept. I sat on the floor stroking his head and sobbed. I felt rung out and like an awful mother who couldn’t protect her baby from falling and getting frustrated at his own body. I wanted so much to remove that day and pretend it never happened.

As I sat I thought of the times I have wept and cried out to Jesus, especially in the early days, the many times I have fallen and how He is always there to pick me up. I thought of all the instances in the bible where He is sorrowful because of peoples pain, how He healed and comforted, and how He still does those things today. I know that He loves my boy more than I ever can and that He can be, and is, there for Him. I felt better knowing that He is on the side of my children as well as me, that He helps me to carry these difficult emotions and teaches me more about His love and compassion for us through them.

I am reminded of Matthew 7:11

If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

I love my boy more than I ever thought possible but the Lord loves him more as He does all of us. I am so grateful that I can go to Him and cry and weep over the difficult days and He will sustain me, He helps me to continue to be there for Little S as He understands, He hurts too when Little S is hurting He knows how I feel and He cares about my whole family.

I am definitely beginning to understand what it means in Isaiah 40:11 where it says:

He tends his flock like a shepherd:
    He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
    he gently leads those that have young.

 

Thank you Lord.

 

 

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My Faith · Scripture

Burdens

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The other day I was out walking with my Mum with little S in the pram. We walked through the woods and little S had a toddle, he became very tired though so I lifted him and put him in the pram, he was asleep within minutes. On the way back we came to some steps. I turned around and started to pull him up them. My Mum offered to help but I was weary as she isn’t used to the weight. I’m used to my little boys weight I carry Him everyday and He still can sometimes get too heavy for me. But it’s a shock to anyone who isn’t used to his weight to try and lift him so I don’t always say yes unless I really need to.

I wanted to share this because there is someone who carries my weight daily and the weight of all those who know Him, that is our Lord and Saviour Jesus. Unlike me with little S He will never grow tired, He will never need to put me down or grow weary of my weight and my burdens. No one else is used to my weight, no one else knows everything little thing that weighs me down, no one else can take it all, only Him.

We spend so much time and energy looking for people to help us, we place a lot of pressure on people, doctors, nurses, police officers, friends, family members and we grow frustrated and upset when they can’t help or live up to the expectations we have placed on them. I know, I’ve been there, I’ve burdened those I love heavily and I am now sorry for it. They aren’t used to my weight, they don’t carry me everyday like my Lord does, they are just human and its not fair to place so much on them.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t share our pain with others or ask for help from professionals, we should but we should also be aware that God is the only one who can truly help and those who have helped me the most have prayed with me when I can’t, helped me to turn to Him in difficult times and reminded me of what the Bible says about Him. He is the one I trust when I go to see a doctor or a professional, I take their advice because I pray about it first.

And that is how we should deal with our weight, take it to Jesus, give it to him, tell him everything and ask him to lift it from you. And He will.

 

christmas · My Faith · Scripture

The best gift of all

Christmas was, as it always is, a quiet one for us. I was again very spoiled with thoughtful gifts but this year I already felt so very blessed as I already had the best gift of all.

Christmas felt very different for me this year, I found I wasn’t as interested in the frivolities of it, I still enjoyed getting a tree and decorating it, I still liked buying and making gifts for those I love. It just wasn’t as important to me as the deep joy and peace I have now at knowing Jesus personally.  I was actually pretty ill over Christmas this year and found myself anxious but, instead of it carrying on for months the feelings passed after a few days and I am enjoying having an extended break with hubby.

And now it is nearly 2014. We have never been bothered about celebrating New Year or making resolutions. I have in the past picked a word for the year and last year I attempted to start a photo a day project and get more organised but, well, life changes all the time, we never know what is going to happen so I am doing nothing like that. I am just going to try to take each moment as it comes and trust God that whatever happens He will bring me through.

I have no idea what 2014 is going to bring but I am sure it will bring new challenges, problems and illnesses because that’s life. When I look back at 2013 to a year that on face value was one of the hardest I have ever had I know it will be ok, because I was ok. I am ok. 🙂 In 2013 I had more doctors and hospital visits than I have ever had, my physical illness and my anxiety got so bad that I came close to giving up. But as the year went on  I found myself facing more, doing more and I have made huge strides in finding the answers to my symptoms and letting things go. I know there is still more to come but God has bought me this far and I know He will not let me go. He shows me this everyday. With His help I have broken bad habits, forgiven those I never thought I could forgive, I see my family more and I worry less, I feel less stressed and have had some of the best nights sleep I have ever had 🙂

I don’t actually think New Year has to be significant if we don’t want it to be, everyday brings new possibilities and the chance to try again. Its just a date on the calendar. I don’t know whats going to happen this year, next month, next week or even in the next five minutes all I know is my Lord will never leave me nor forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5)

 

Thank you again to everyone who is sharing this journey with me, I pray you have a safe and blessed new year, however you celebrate.

 

God bless