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Category Archives: healing

Garden

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I was going to post this last week but it ended up being quite a busy week as I was helping my sister with her new home doing a few jobs, tip runs with hubby etc as there is a lot of work to be done.

I was glad for the distraction as our pet bearded dragon died early last week and I was surprised to discover how used I was to having him in my living room, we got him not long after we moved here so it felt very strange for a while after he was gone. I also didn’t realise how much I talked to him! (I am not afraid to admit I talk to my pets ;)) not being able to get out meant he was company for me for a long time. Plus I had to face the fact that I couldn’t just leave the house to take my mind of it until hubby was home, I had to face it full on, this was a tough lesson I have to admit.

Anyway. What I wanted to talk about was my garden. Last year I shared how I wanted to grow a few things in pots to get me out a bit and hubby was very happy about this so he bought me a little potting bench for my birthday last year. Well I enjoyed it so much and the weather this winter was so mild that we decided to do some actual work in the garden as it had been neglected for so long. Hubby tried his best to keep the lawns down but holding a job, a business and then studying as well as taking care of me and the house meant the garden wasn’t a priority. But things are different now.

During the work

Hubby did all the big work, he chopped down the back hedge and took out a few trees at the bottom of the garden and we discovered our garden was a fair bit bigger than we thought! He built a raised bed there and we planted onions and potatoes. We bought him a little greenhouse as he wanted to grow tomatoes and they took off that much that we had to by another one just for them! He also seeded some pumpkins in there which have now been planted in the garden, also in his greenhouse he has grown some cucumbers, chillies, peppers and melons.ย  Plus I still wanted to grow some carrots in my pots again. Also just after my operation a neighbor came over with some peas and bean plants for us so we planted them also. How blessed are we?

How it looks at the moment, except that the onions are now strung and the potatoes are out, plus the trees have been moved as we need to cut the hedge again.

It has been a huge learning curve for us, some things have worked, others not so much, we are both really enjoying doing it together though and walking around the garden together with a cuppa discussing what needs doing next. I have missed doing things with him so much, I think that’s been the biggest blessing.

One of the casualties was a melon and a couple of pumpkins, the one on the bottom right is still going strong though.

God willing, next year we would like to do more work and grow more food, I would dearly love to get him a proper greenhouse if funds allow. I don’t think we will do as many things next year, this year was more about learning, seeing what we enjoy growing and what works and what doesn’t. And we have learned a lot. Though I do wish I had kept a journal on it so I think I might try and do that next year.

Some of the produce we have had from our garden

We definitely prefer growing food to anything else, even though I like flowers I like to have a ‘working’ garden. If that makes sense. Hubby has a couple of trees in pots so hopefully we will have some fruit as well. Though when we go on our drives we like to keep an eye out for apple trees and damsons etc. I will share about that in another post though.

image

Almost forgot our peas! Didn’t get many but we have learned a few things if we do them next year.

Like I said there is more work to be done, I really want to get our little outhouse painted and more trees need removing but I am so pleased with the work we have done this year. It feels grand to have a project to do when last year I couldn’t spend more than ten minutes in the garden without feeling faint. I still do feel unwell but my stamina is definitely improving.

I thank the Lord for His provision and I thank Him for strengthening me more and more so I can do these things and get such pleasure from working on His creation. And enjoy spending time with hubby again, time is so very precious with our loved ones and I hope I never take him for granted ever again. I have to say being ill is very hard, especially when it was really bad but it has made me very grateful to be able to do some things again I used to take for granted.

God bless

Wherever you lead…

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I said in my last post that I had a period of feeling a little dejected after trying something that made me feel unwell, I took a bus to my sisters and back but it was a shock to my system and I didn’t try a little ride first to see what it is like. It had been many years since I had traveled on a bus and I wasn’t prepared to feel that dizzy on it. Before I asked the Lord into my life this would’ve set me right back as I found it so hard to bounce back after years of trying to do it alone.

I have had more than what is ‘normal’ dizzy spells for most of my life. I would ignore them and not say anything but as I got older it just got worse. Eventually after nearly 2 years of going to the doctors asking for help as the spells were getting more frequent and lasting longer the dizziness came back and never went. I tried to keep going back to work, I would take a taxi so I didn’t have to get on the bus but hubby would always end up fetching me as I would be stumbling over and becoming stressed as I couldn’t see properly or do my job. I wouldn’t understand what the customers wanted and all the noise and the lights just made things worse. My colleagues would try to help but eventually they would just end up calling my husband to come and get me. The last day I had at work I broke down in the office as I was so tired of fighting, my colleague, who was a Christian, prayed over me and I left and never went back. I hope one day I can see her and tell her her prayer was answered.

After that I tried to keep going out and carry on as normal, I would go to the local shops and I would get the bus to my Mums, I even went out to the pub a few times to see my brother in law perform despite the noise being so hard to deal with. I tried to fight it no matter how unbearable it got but after 3 years of going to the hospital and trying to keep going I ended up bedridden for a few weeks over Christmas. Once again though I picked myself up and tried to fight, that was really hard as I got to the point were I was afraid to come down the stairs for fear of falling. However I kept getting up even though everything was constantly moving and that year I even went to my sisters wedding and danced for 1 song. That year as well (2009) I had to have paramedics come out a couple of times just to give me a high dose of sickness medication so I could get out of bed. My hubby and my Mum would help me, that was embarrassing for a 28 year old but there was no other choice. (Though out all of this my husband has been an amazing support)

I still kept fighting, believing the GP who went against the specialists advice and took me off my medication as he believed it was depression. But it kept getting worse. I was eventually sent for CBT therapy and ended up having a breakdown. (end of 2010) After that everything stopped and I became sofa bound, I stopped going into town, I stopped going to the seaside and on long rides in the car and I stopped seeing my family and friends.

I decided that I wasn’t going to see another doctor, that I was going to do it alone, I was going to exercise and eat right and make myself well. And I did those things, I lost 2 and a half stone and even though I would exerciseย  and then go upstairs and collapse in the bathroom, everything spinning and the head pressure getting unbearable, clinging on to the shower curtain and the bath but I kept doing it.ย  I did this for nearly 2 years, but it kept getting worse. I lost weight and I felt better in myself because of the exercise but I was still dizzy and the head pressure kept getting worse my vision started to go weird and I kept falling to one side. I became tired and struggled to keep up with the exercise and eventually it stopped. I blamed all sorts for it saying it was the (online) work I was doing at the time but ultimately it was because my body could not cope with everything I was forcing it to do. Which wasn’t that much as I look back now, as everything I did apart from the exercise I did in the sofa unable to move much. Plus hubby took me out in the car for a little drive most days to help me get out.

I decided it was time to take some tests, I had a belief that my hormones were playing a part in this so I got private tests and found out I was right, I found out my T3 (thyroid hormone) levels were so low they were at the levels expected for patients in intensive care. I panicked, I knew I had to see a doctor but I was scared because of how I had been treated so my mental health took another nose dive and this time I really couldn’t fight any more. it was gone and I started to feel suicidal. I really didn’t know where else to turn.

Out of sheer desperation I prayed, I called out to God and I got an answer. And things finally started to get better. Now I don’t have to fight and a year after coming to Christ I found myself in a hospital bed having had surgery feeling so calm and so loved despite feeling so unwell.

Now when I fall he catches me and He renews my spirit. When things become too much I run to him and He helps me. With His help I went back to the doctors. I am still far from well but when I go too far like I discussed in the last post I turn to Him and He comforts me.

When the bus incident happened in July I was tempted to fall into my old thought patterns I was tempted to forget that things are different now and He is here. But He reminded me, He called to me and I gave it all to Him. One night I just listed everything that was worrying me, everything that was on my mind and left it in His hands. And I felt at peace. I don’t need to do anything, I don’t need to fight to push or force my body to do anything it can’t do because He will do it, all of it. He helps my mind, my body and my spirit. He helps in practical ways, I have found that every doctor I saw before got ruder and ruder and refused to help, after, I can’t begin to tell you how much kindness and help I have had and when they are hindered from helping because of the system The Lord has provided in other ways. He helps our spirits, by his word and by talking with Him. He comforts our spirit and calms our minds. He is in everything and He is a very present help in trouble.

Thank You Lord.

This week my dizzyness has flared up and yesterday I sat down to paint some fabric for uni and I had a vertigo attack. Once again I panicked thinking that it was all coming back, that I was going to end up so ill I couldn’t move again. But last night I listened to this message from my church and I remembered that things are different now so I talked to Jesus and fell asleep.

So many wonderful things have happened since I came to my Lord, things I didn’t precipitate, all I have done is just turn up and turn to Him. Step out the door, go to the GP and let Him lead it all. He doesn’t promise His way is an easy path, if fact He states the opposite, but I can tell you, it is worth it. Because I no longer have to fight and wear myself out, I just have to turn up and ask Jesus where I need to be.

This has been along post, thank you for reading I pray that whoever reads this feels the peace I am talking about, a peace that surpasses all understanding. If not, then give to Him, turn to Him, He is waiting.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light

Matthew 11:28-30

God Bless x

July

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July has been a very busy month, I have been trying to finish my drawing module (only a little more to do now) and also still playing catch up with textiles since my surgery. This has mainly been what I have been doing (as well as journaling) however some other things happened also:

I had a bit of a set back as I tried to take a bus into town which turned out harder than expected, however, I did it and I know that I just need to try smaller journeys when I am ready to try again. There have been some wonderful things happen this month however that I never used to be able to to do.

Been to a lot of shops, I only had to stay in the car a couple of times, I am still just doing small shops but I am spending longer and longer out which is wonderful. I shared this story on my facebook yesterday which explains why this is such a huge thing for us.

I drew outside, I have never done this before! I have recently managed more drawing in the garden but this was actually outside near the woods at the bottom of my street.

I have been trying to get a bit fitter, I started doing some regular low grade exercise.

I have still been visiting family, we have had 2 birthdays and I have been going to my sisters for dog sitting duties. Plus we had another cream tea afternoon.

I have started learning to play the keyboard, I am not sure where this is going but I am having fun.

I went for a walk last week and I ended up being faced with a huge hill that I hadn’t climbed in many years. I shared about it on instagram. The photo is the beginning of the hill, it has three sections, each one steeper than the last. I actually ending up taking a wrong turn because I was trying to avoid a dog running around, if that hadn’t had happened I never would’ve gone to this hill myself. However, The Lord knew I was ready ๐Ÿ™‚

Hubby had a long weekend off last weekend and we invited the family round for a BBQ, this was such a blessing, so relaxing sitting in the sunshine, this time last year I couldn’t even spend 10 mins in my garden without needing to go back in. You can read all about here on my Mums blog ๐Ÿ™‚

So lots of new things this month! At the beginning of the month I was feeling a little dejected after trying the bus ride and if that had happened before I became a Christian it would’ve completly set me back but The Lord renewed my spirit, I will talk about this in the next post I think but for now, lots of things from this month to Praise my Lord for!

God Bless x

 

 

June

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My birthday cake

June has turned out to be a crazy month! There have been birthdays and walks, shopping, hospital visits and hubbies time off work.

It has been a lovely month.

We took my sisters puppy for a walk

I got the all clear from the hospital so I can finally put the years worth of testing etc behind me. Hubby had a week of work and we enjoyed some walks and some time spent together and one of those days I spent the whole afternoon with my sister, we went shopping and saw my nephew do his gymnastics class it was wonderful and the longest I have spent out of the house in many years. It has been mine, my nephews and hubbies birthdays so there has been far too much cake and oh boy my scales know it!

Hubbies birthday cake

I had a lovely cream tea with my sisters and Mum, we hardly get to spend time together as a family and it was such a blessing to just have an hour with them and enjoy some tea and scones.

My feet in the local river, I felt so brave as I struggle to be near water ๐Ÿ™‚

Something else that happened this month was that we set up the back room as a craft/art space again and I have been spending time in there doing uni work and journaling. It has been so long since I could spend anytime anywhere other than the sofa, its such a small thing but it makes a huge difference to my life.

 

Boats at our local river gardens, hubby took this one, I wasnt quite so brave to go near that drop into the water ๐Ÿ˜‰

This week I am very tired and my dizziness has kicked in high gear so I am resting but I have to say it is nice to rest knowing that I have had some good times and spent time with those I love, that was something I missed so much before. The symptoms used to be relentless and hard to deal with I used to just be ill and nothing else but now I get days where it lessens enough to do more and it is wonderful. Chronic illness is a balancing act and since I came to the Lord I seem to be able to balance it a lot better, my worst days are so much easier with him than my best days were without him. Sometimes I still get lost in the what I can’t dos as there is still so much I can’t do but when I look back to how I was to how I am now it amazes me all He has done and I look forward to what else is in store.

Lily in my sisters garden

I hope everyone else has had a lovely June as well.

God Bless

 

Trials

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Journal page from last week while hubby was away

I was hoping to write this earlier however this week has turned out to be a pretty dizzy one. Last week however turned out to be an unexpectedly good week.

A few months ago hubby told me he had been asked to go to Amsterdam for the week to big trade show. I will admit I got pretty upset, he hadn’t been away from home since he went to America with work in 2006 and while he was away my dizziness started. So I am sure you can imagine I was afraid. I prayed about it and knew that I couldn’t ask him not to go even though I really really wanted to and I knew that he wouldn’t go if I did. So I said OK. I put my trust in God.

I then put it in the back of my mind, if I am honest I kinda thought it wouldn’t happen. I was worried but I reminded myself that I had help I have never had before in the Lord. I prayed for support and help for that week and I left it there. I soon found people offering to come and stay with me and visit me, I was still scared but that comforted me.

So Monday morning came and I got upset, I didn’t freak out like the the last time though. My sister came to see me in the afternoon and there were no tears we just chatted and actually had a nice time. My Mum came to stay with me most nights which was wonderful as she prayed with me and we talked about the The Lord, I could feel his presence with us. On the Tuesday night we actually walked to the shop! ย I was so surprised and we both said we felt like we were on holiday ๐Ÿ™‚

Wednesday I had a friend stay over and my Pastor from church came to see me. I started to feel a bit dizzier by then (which this week has gotten quite a bit worse hence this post being late) but I still had a lovely time with them. Thursday was a harder day as I woke up to a vertigo attack, it was to be expected as I don’t usually go a week without having one. When my friend left I just sat and prayed and the Lord comforted me and helped me though. By the time my Mum came that night I felt better in myself, still pretty dizzy though. That night my sister actually took me out in her car to fetch Mum which was a huge blessing to get out ( I really wasn’t expecting to be able to get out at all that week). Friday afternoon and Tuesday afternoon my little sister came and she always makes me laugh. I have to say I was pretty overwhelmed by how many people wanted to help me, I didn’t ask for any of it. Plus I received lots of support from online friends too. I think I had one wobbly moment in the week and a lovely friend online was there to help.

How I was this time compared to last time was like night and day, just knowing the Lord was there helped me a great deal and He gave me the strength to heat up the meals my hubby left me with hardly any help and just enjoy spending time with those I love. The last time he went away even though I spent time with family I cried almost constantly and couldn’t appreciate being with them. This time was very different.

This has meant I have been able to put a huge fear to rest and that awful experience from when he went to America behind me. I can honestly say last week was a life changing experience for me and healing one. I know I was still ill while he was gone but if I wasn’t I wouldn’t have known if I could have coped with him being away while ill. I know this week wouldn’t have turned out the way it did without the Lords help and that I would have asked him not to go if I hadn’t been guided not too. I am so grateful to Him.

I am grateful to my friends and family too, thank you for being there for me. Considering a year ago I had cut all my family out as I couldn’t cope with seeing them I think we have come a long way. And as I look back I can see all the things the Lord did that felt uncomfortable at the time but have turned out for my own good. I pray I don’t forget this lesson.

God Bless

N.b – Sorry for the poor grammar and bad sentence structure in this post. I hope you understand it ok!ย 

My January

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I know we are well into February but January was such an amazing month for me I really wanted to share. Since I became ill in 06 each winter has been increasingly hard. I usually get a migraine that lasts a few months and become very depressed. Each year I don’t tend to see or speak to anyone as I am so foggy and confused I cant concentrate just the slightest noise and movement is so uncomfortable and makes me very dizzy. This year has been very different. So I thought Id share my instagram photos.

New years eve I actually left the house! I went to my sisters and she did my nails and hubby played with her little doggy Juju ๐Ÿ™‚

I started a cross stitch I got for my birthday last year, I think it might take me a while to finish though ๐Ÿ˜‰

I finally finished my drawing module for uni! (the picture is one of my sketchbook pages)


Hubby took me out for a chai latte, I don’t get out of the car but it such a blessing to be able to enjoy such a small thing with him.

I blogged a lot last month, usually I only manage one at the most.

I started a little exercise regime, just a few weights, I haven’t managed to keep it up but I was pretty amazed that I felt like starting one at all!


I started drawing a bit more in my sketchbook, I want to start a bit of a daily project but I am mulling ideas at the moment for that.

Hubby received a curry cookbook for Christmas so every weekend we have had a ‘fakeaway’ I have tried lots of new flavours to me, he loves to cook and I am very blessed.

My sister and her family came over for dinner – this is huge the only other time was my 30th when we had the whole family over but that was in June when the winter migraine has eased back to the usual baseline. I’d never just had my sisters family over as it usually takes so much out of me.

I enjoyed doing some journaling.


I also had my younger sister and her husband over for curry as well!

I managed 2 walks and the second I took my camera and took some photos for resource material for uni.

I wrote to a dear friend, I am trying to write to people a lot more as I feel it is a nice way to let someone know they are in your thoughts.

The last week (after my walk) I caught a cold so rested with Layla, I read a lot though which is something else I could never normally do especially in winter.

I can’t quite believe it to be honest this is the busiest January I have had in seven years. I truly believe it is all down to God, He gives me the strength to keep going and He is guiding me all the way in my recovery.

I hope you all had a wonderful January too! The beginning of February has turned out to be a bit of a life changing week, but I will blog about that next time. God Bless you!

What a week!

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This post was written at the beginning of last week about the week before but I felt led to write something else instead. I still want to share what happened to me that week though so I am publishing it now ๐Ÿ™‚ (last week was much harder due to the mega Sunday migraine but I did have one nice afternoon making lip scrubs with my sister which I am hoping to share soon)

 

Well last week was the busiest week I have had in I reckon about 4 years. So much happened it was a little overwhelming. So this weekend my body forced me to rest as the dizziness kicked in full force on Saturday but it’s OK, I feel so very blessed that I was given the strength to do so much last week.

On Tuesday I had a scan, now, a year ago I refused to even go to the GPs when I was so ill I was spitting up blood and now I am going for scans! I can’t quite believe it, I have waited a very long time to find out what the lump is on my head and prayers would be much appreciated x It was hard, I won’t lie, especially after I was too ill to do the MRI in May so I leaned very hard on the Lord for help and not only did he help me to do the scan I went into Aldi a few hours later and picked out myself some wellies!! So grateful! I live very near to some woods which get very muddy in the winter and usually I just don’t venture out much in winter as I tend to be a lot worse but this year I felt that I will need something for my feet ๐Ÿ™‚

Wednesday I had a little visit from my 2 yr old nephew who had picked me out a plant in the shop, bless his heart.

Then Thursday I had a great post day! A letter from an online friend and the Crafty Creatives Christmas box! Hubby bought it me as we haven’t been able to afford much in the way of craftyness supplies this year, which I am ok with, I have plenty but I am still very grateful for this awesome gift. I will be back with what I have done with it very soon ๐Ÿ™‚

I also took my box to my Mums and made the decoration in the photo, I was there for a couple of hours which is just well, pretty amazing, I think I might have pushed myself a bit too far with that one but I recovered fairly quick from feeling ill from it and back to the baseline of symptoms so I am really pleased.

Friday was another Dr day and I also managed to pop onto a little Tescos to pick a magazine and go back out again. I also spent most of the day popping in and out of the online auction room and wow it was so exciting! They did about 27 hours I think and made 57 grand for charity how amazing is that? They didn’t get round to selling my blanket they had a lot of lots left over, but I was still a little emotional when I heard how well they did. My blanket is now on silent auction which is running until the 13th of December link is hereย should you wish to check it out.

So that was my week! The weekend was spent resting resting and resting some more as a huge migraine hit me and forced me into bed for most of Sunday and Saturday was dizzy city but to be honest I feel so blessed and so grateful to have done everything I did last week that I didn’t mind resting and if I have to rest this week too, well so be it. (Turns out that is exactly what happened ;))

Wish you all an awesome week! I will try to come back with some crafty news soon as I don’t want to keep boring you with my life updates I am just so excited as these things happen and I spend such a large amount of time indoors unable to get off the sofa without ย my symptoms getting a lot worse that I just feel the need to document when the Lord does something awesome for me! ๐Ÿ™‚

 

God Bless you all

 

 

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