Tag: Christianity

My Faith

Expanding my world

Hannah1 Comment

I’ve been a little quiet this past week on social media, for the first time in a very long time I found that I just wanted to log off for a bit. Since I became ill the online world has provided me a lot of support and distraction but also became a bit of a crutch. I have found though that as I lean on the Lord more and more I find the things I used to need I don’t so much. This is good as it means that I can pop in just purely out of enjoyment and wanting to check in on friends as opposed to needing something to take my mind away from my life.

So what have I been doing? well something I have done a lot this week is go outside…I know. It been amazing. Due to my health and the fact my poor hubby has been holding down jobs (yes, plural), a business, uni as well as caring for me, cooking, cleaning etc has meant our garden became a little neglected. Now I am  feeling stronger, we are getting help with cleaning plus hubbies business is no more together with the wonderful weather we have been having has meant we have been able to get out. There’s still some work to be done but he has done an amazing job and there is actually a garden under all that overgrowth! Who knew 😉 I did help and I would like to think I was a help more than a hindrance but I am not so sure.

However while hubby was gardening yesterday I did pop out and did a little drawing something else which Is a first, I really enjoyed it and hope I can do it again soon.

I have also been in a couple of shops this week, this too is pretty amazing! Being in shops is not nice when you get over stimulated easily and some shops are better than others. There’s a lovely little craft shop near us that is small and quiet, no music plus the lighting is good and not too bright so hubby took me there and let me have a few bits. (this was to cheer me up but I will explain about that later). We then tried BNM bargains but that one was harder, busier so we went more or less straight in and out. I also managed to go into Morrisons yesterday, I didn’t go right in but the lighting in there is a lot better than other supermarkets and I feel I might be OK to try at a quieter time to go in properly.

I also went to the hospital, which turned out to be a bit of a shambles as I got the day wrong (hence the treat trip to the craft shop) but they remade my appointment and were very nice about my blunder, even though I wasn’t very nice to myself about it.

I also went for a little walk this past week with my Mum just to the field at the bottom of the road it was such a lovely day we had to take advantage.

So as you can tell, I have been living in real life more and more and I really do hope it continues.

 

It seems of the many many things the Lord is doing for me as well as slowly building my trust in Him and confidence He is also making my relationships healthier and my relationship with the internet is definitely getting better.  I think the internet is wonderful as is social media but I do have to admit I didn’t like how much time I spent on it and how much I used it to help me. My hubby used to joke that my laptop was the window to my world but it wasn’t just that, it was my world.

When I first became a Christian someone told me that the Lord would come through the fog but he has done so much more than that. He has cleared the fog and I am seeing more and more of the world around me again. My world is expanding past my sofa, laptop and phone and it feels amazing.

Gratitude doesn’t even cover it.

God Bless

 

healing · My Faith

Trials

Hannah3 Comments

Journal page from last week while hubby was away

I was hoping to write this earlier however this week has turned out to be a pretty dizzy one. Last week however turned out to be an unexpectedly good week.

A few months ago hubby told me he had been asked to go to Amsterdam for the week to big trade show. I will admit I got pretty upset, he hadn’t been away from home since he went to America with work in 2006 and while he was away my dizziness started. So I am sure you can imagine I was afraid. I prayed about it and knew that I couldn’t ask him not to go even though I really really wanted to and I knew that he wouldn’t go if I did. So I said OK. I put my trust in God.

I then put it in the back of my mind, if I am honest I kinda thought it wouldn’t happen. I was worried but I reminded myself that I had help I have never had before in the Lord. I prayed for support and help for that week and I left it there. I soon found people offering to come and stay with me and visit me, I was still scared but that comforted me.

So Monday morning came and I got upset, I didn’t freak out like the the last time though. My sister came to see me in the afternoon and there were no tears we just chatted and actually had a nice time. My Mum came to stay with me most nights which was wonderful as she prayed with me and we talked about the The Lord, I could feel his presence with us. On the Tuesday night we actually walked to the shop!  I was so surprised and we both said we felt like we were on holiday 🙂

Wednesday I had a friend stay over and my Pastor from church came to see me. I started to feel a bit dizzier by then (which this week has gotten quite a bit worse hence this post being late) but I still had a lovely time with them. Thursday was a harder day as I woke up to a vertigo attack, it was to be expected as I don’t usually go a week without having one. When my friend left I just sat and prayed and the Lord comforted me and helped me though. By the time my Mum came that night I felt better in myself, still pretty dizzy though. That night my sister actually took me out in her car to fetch Mum which was a huge blessing to get out ( I really wasn’t expecting to be able to get out at all that week). Friday afternoon and Tuesday afternoon my little sister came and she always makes me laugh. I have to say I was pretty overwhelmed by how many people wanted to help me, I didn’t ask for any of it. Plus I received lots of support from online friends too. I think I had one wobbly moment in the week and a lovely friend online was there to help.

How I was this time compared to last time was like night and day, just knowing the Lord was there helped me a great deal and He gave me the strength to heat up the meals my hubby left me with hardly any help and just enjoy spending time with those I love. The last time he went away even though I spent time with family I cried almost constantly and couldn’t appreciate being with them. This time was very different.

This has meant I have been able to put a huge fear to rest and that awful experience from when he went to America behind me. I can honestly say last week was a life changing experience for me and healing one. I know I was still ill while he was gone but if I wasn’t I wouldn’t have known if I could have coped with him being away while ill. I know this week wouldn’t have turned out the way it did without the Lords help and that I would have asked him not to go if I hadn’t been guided not too. I am so grateful to Him.

I am grateful to my friends and family too, thank you for being there for me. Considering a year ago I had cut all my family out as I couldn’t cope with seeing them I think we have come a long way. And as I look back I can see all the things the Lord did that felt uncomfortable at the time but have turned out for my own good. I pray I don’t forget this lesson.

God Bless

N.b – Sorry for the poor grammar and bad sentence structure in this post. I hope you understand it ok! 

healing · health · MAV · migraine associated vertigo · My Faith

My January

Hannah2 Comments

I know we are well into February but January was such an amazing month for me I really wanted to share. Since I became ill in 06 each winter has been increasingly hard. I usually get a migraine that lasts a few months and become very depressed. Each year I don’t tend to see or speak to anyone as I am so foggy and confused I cant concentrate just the slightest noise and movement is so uncomfortable and makes me very dizzy. This year has been very different. So I thought Id share my instagram photos.

New years eve I actually left the house! I went to my sisters and she did my nails and hubby played with her little doggy Juju 🙂

I started a cross stitch I got for my birthday last year, I think it might take me a while to finish though 😉

I finally finished my drawing module for uni! (the picture is one of my sketchbook pages)


 Hubby took me out for a chai latte, I don’t get out of the car but it such a blessing to be able to enjoy such a small thing with him.

I blogged a lot last month, usually I only manage one at the most.

I started a little exercise regime, just a few weights, I haven’t managed to keep it up but I was pretty amazed that I felt like starting one at all!


 I started drawing a bit more in my sketchbook, I want to start a bit of a daily project but I am mulling ideas at the moment for that.

Hubby received a curry cookbook for Christmas so every weekend we have had a ‘fakeaway’ I have tried lots of new flavours to me, he loves to cook and I am very blessed.

My sister and her family came over for dinner – this is huge the only other time was my 30th when we had the whole family over but that was in June when the winter migraine has eased back to the usual baseline. I’d never just had my sisters family over as it usually takes so much out of me.

I enjoyed doing some journaling.


 I also had my younger sister and her husband over for curry as well!

I managed 2 walks and the second I took my camera and took some photos for resource material for uni.

I wrote to a dear friend, I am trying to write to people a lot more as I feel it is a nice way to let someone know they are in your thoughts.

The last week (after my walk) I caught a cold so rested with Layla, I read a lot though which is something else I could never normally do especially in winter.

I can’t quite believe it to be honest this is the busiest January I have had in seven years. I truly believe it is all down to God, He gives me the strength to keep going and He is guiding me all the way in my recovery.

I hope you all had a wonderful January too! The beginning of February has turned out to be a bit of a life changing week, but I will blog about that next time. God Bless you!

My Faith

Just wanted to share

HannahLeave a comment

Today I want to share something..

A few months back I was watching a video on youtube of someone sharing their testimony, at the end she said she wanted to sing but it had run over too much. However she shared how she had listened to a song called Make You Feel My Love (the version sung by Adele) not long back and she pointed to the camera and said ‘Jesus told me this song is for you’.

I thought nothing of it to be honest.

2 Days later I am in the hospital, I am sat in the waiting room feeling scared and shaking and a song came on the radio, it was that song. As tears were falling down my cheeks I looked up and looked around at all the people in the waiting room and felt such compassion for them all, I wondered if they were as scared as me and if they could hear Gods message, I felt so blessed that I had the Lord to lean on. I calmed down and stopped shaking.

This Christmas my sister created an album of songs and gave each of us a CD as a gift. Today I listened to it and there was that same song……..

Gods messages are everywhere, listen, He is talking to us all.

He loves us so much and He has and will do anything for us to feel it, we just have to listen.

God Bless

N.B – Just want to say a big thank you to my little sister for the lovely and thoughtful gift, I love being part of a family who shares their gifts with each other xxx Such a blessing!

My Faith · vertigo

Letting go

HannahLeave a comment

So, in light of me talking about how I am going to trust God and not make any plans or resolutions etc this year this is what has happened in the first week of 2014.

First off, I have taken down all of my old blog posts from before I became a Christian. The posts spanned back all the way to August 2008 which is when I began blogging and so much has changed. Because I changed significantly when I became a Christian in May 2013 and my blog has reflected those changes so I feel it is time to take down the old and focus on my life as it is right now. So many wonderful things have happened to me and even though it is nice to look back sometimes, that old lost and frightened person is gone and has been replaced with a person with hope, peace and joy. 

I have no idea how or what I will be sharing on my blog as I don’t know what is going to happen. I will just continue to take each day as it comes and share as I go along 🙂

The next thing that has happened is that I finally finished my drawing module for Uni. I started a degree via distance learning 2 years ago and it has been a challenge to say the least.

Before I started I talked to the disability support about my illness and not being able to draw outside or move very much and we talked about ways I could work around it. However after a few months I found that it wasn’t going to be that easy. I really struggled to communicate to my tutor my limitations and I found myself getting upset as I  had to face over and over again the things I really wanted to do but couldn’t such as go to galleries etc

I found that drawing large and for a long time made me quite ill and was told that drawing from photos wasn’t ideal but I couldn’t think of any other way of drawing a landscape from my sofa.

I got to the point where the thought of doing the work brought me to tears, I would sit with my pencil and paper sobbing as I couldn’t bring myself to do the work. I felt isolated, misunderstood and like I was letting my illness win. I suffer from confusion and would get very frustrated as I struggled to understand some of the principles of drawing I was asked to learn, I would get angry and upset about it.

So I took a 6 month break, little did I know in that time I would a) get very very ill again and b) find solace and comfort in the Lord Jesus. So when I returned I had a new attitude to the work, all the previous issues where still there but I now had the help and strength of God to help me. Without that I know I would never have finished and would have given up.

So now I am looking forward to starting the next module, this time I have made sure I have communicated fully what my limitations are and was able to have a skype meet (something not available when I first started) and my new tutor was incredibly understanding (much like the new drs I have found recently too! ;))

So here is to letting go! To moving on without bitterness (as it really was down to my own issues and wanting to bury my head in the sand regarding my illness) and starting anew.

Maybe now I will feel like I can share more of this journey? Only God knows! 🙂

God Bless!

 

christmas · My Faith · Scripture

The best gift of all

Hannah1 Comment

Christmas was, as it always is, a quiet one for us. I was again very spoiled with thoughtful gifts but this year I already felt so very blessed as I already had the best gift of all.

Christmas felt very different for me this year, I found I wasn’t as interested in the frivolities of it, I still enjoyed getting a tree and decorating it, I still liked buying and making gifts for those I love. It just wasn’t as important to me as the deep joy and peace I have now at knowing Jesus personally.  I was actually pretty ill over Christmas this year and found myself anxious but, instead of it carrying on for months the feelings passed after a few days and I am enjoying having an extended break with hubby.

And now it is nearly 2014. We have never been bothered about celebrating New Year or making resolutions. I have in the past picked a word for the year and last year I attempted to start a photo a day project and get more organised but, well, life changes all the time, we never know what is going to happen so I am doing nothing like that. I am just going to try to take each moment as it comes and trust God that whatever happens He will bring me through.

I have no idea what 2014 is going to bring but I am sure it will bring new challenges, problems and illnesses because that’s life. When I look back at 2013 to a year that on face value was one of the hardest I have ever had I know it will be ok, because I was ok. I am ok. 🙂 In 2013 I had more doctors and hospital visits than I have ever had, my physical illness and my anxiety got so bad that I came close to giving up. But as the year went on  I found myself facing more, doing more and I have made huge strides in finding the answers to my symptoms and letting things go. I know there is still more to come but God has bought me this far and I know He will not let me go. He shows me this everyday. With His help I have broken bad habits, forgiven those I never thought I could forgive, I see my family more and I worry less, I feel less stressed and have had some of the best nights sleep I have ever had 🙂

I don’t actually think New Year has to be significant if we don’t want it to be, everyday brings new possibilities and the chance to try again. Its just a date on the calendar. I don’t know whats going to happen this year, next month, next week or even in the next five minutes all I know is my Lord will never leave me nor forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5)

 

Thank you again to everyone who is sharing this journey with me, I pray you have a safe and blessed new year, however you celebrate.

 

God bless