Tag: my faith journey

Month in review

February

HannahLeave a comment

I really enjoyed doing an overview of January so I thought I would do the same again for Feb.

For the shortest month of the year a lot has happened! I still can’t believe how much has happened already this year when for the past 7 years the winter months actually drag on as I feel so ill unable to move off my sofa (if I can get out of bed).

So I thought I would share my instagram pics again.

The month started out with hubby going away for the week, which was a huge thing for both of us, I blogged out it here.

While he was gone, I he left me lots of nice treats and I had a little go at making a weaved bag but I couldn’t get it to work, I will give it another go I think once I work out where I went wrong.

I received a lovely card from an online friend and new post pal while he was gone too.

And I journaled.

I started a new crochet project, which I am still working on, its actually quite a small one but what with other creative stuffs taking priority it is taking me a while.

I did a lot of journaling this month, I have been pretty dizzy for most of the month but no where near as bad as I usually would be.

I’ve been doing uni work – the pic is off the tissue I had left from the mark making I did.

I started a new daily sketchbook project, I popped back onto Flickr as I realized I still had photos on there from that go back to 08. I discovered that you get a lot more space now so I decided to take a look about and found a group with lots of prompts of things to draw in your sketchbook. I will discuss this more later and share my pages so far.

More journaling, I enjoy working in my journal for bible study and in my quiet time.

I went for a walk! yay! I managed to go further than I have in years so was very very happy and grateful.

And lastly, yesterday I managed a to go to the local shop and buy a few bits, amazing!

Other things that have happened this month that I haven’t pictured –

Had another Dr appt and we trying something else to try and help with the head and sinus pressure.

I have been getting help with cleaning and have had help moving some furniture about, (both a bit much for me right now) but this has been such a blessing to me and I have been able to do more little jobs around the house as I no longer feel overwhelmed by it all.

Plus after sitting in the same place for a a few years I am now moving around the house more, sitting in different places, believe me that is huge! When you suffer from constant dizziness and other neurological symptoms your brain has a habit of getting used to certain things and so being in different positions etc take some getting used to. Its hard to explain but the brain is very good at compensating and sometimes that can make it very hard if you still aren’t well and it hasn’t compensated fully as it sticks to one position so when you try to move from the place where your brain is used to being the spinning gets worse. I hope that makes sense. You do have to keep trying to move which is very hard when you aren’t getting any help or treatment but now I am 🙂 The best help of all!

So despite  feeling pretty ill for most of it it’s not been a bad month, it does help to look at the big picture I think as it can feel like I am backsliding when I am just having a rough patch.

Hope you have all had a blessed February and here’s to March! (nearly spring, yay!)

God Bless

 

healing · My Faith

Trials

Hannah3 Comments

Journal page from last week while hubby was away

I was hoping to write this earlier however this week has turned out to be a pretty dizzy one. Last week however turned out to be an unexpectedly good week.

A few months ago hubby told me he had been asked to go to Amsterdam for the week to big trade show. I will admit I got pretty upset, he hadn’t been away from home since he went to America with work in 2006 and while he was away my dizziness started. So I am sure you can imagine I was afraid. I prayed about it and knew that I couldn’t ask him not to go even though I really really wanted to and I knew that he wouldn’t go if I did. So I said OK. I put my trust in God.

I then put it in the back of my mind, if I am honest I kinda thought it wouldn’t happen. I was worried but I reminded myself that I had help I have never had before in the Lord. I prayed for support and help for that week and I left it there. I soon found people offering to come and stay with me and visit me, I was still scared but that comforted me.

So Monday morning came and I got upset, I didn’t freak out like the the last time though. My sister came to see me in the afternoon and there were no tears we just chatted and actually had a nice time. My Mum came to stay with me most nights which was wonderful as she prayed with me and we talked about the The Lord, I could feel his presence with us. On the Tuesday night we actually walked to the shop!  I was so surprised and we both said we felt like we were on holiday 🙂

Wednesday I had a friend stay over and my Pastor from church came to see me. I started to feel a bit dizzier by then (which this week has gotten quite a bit worse hence this post being late) but I still had a lovely time with them. Thursday was a harder day as I woke up to a vertigo attack, it was to be expected as I don’t usually go a week without having one. When my friend left I just sat and prayed and the Lord comforted me and helped me though. By the time my Mum came that night I felt better in myself, still pretty dizzy though. That night my sister actually took me out in her car to fetch Mum which was a huge blessing to get out ( I really wasn’t expecting to be able to get out at all that week). Friday afternoon and Tuesday afternoon my little sister came and she always makes me laugh. I have to say I was pretty overwhelmed by how many people wanted to help me, I didn’t ask for any of it. Plus I received lots of support from online friends too. I think I had one wobbly moment in the week and a lovely friend online was there to help.

How I was this time compared to last time was like night and day, just knowing the Lord was there helped me a great deal and He gave me the strength to heat up the meals my hubby left me with hardly any help and just enjoy spending time with those I love. The last time he went away even though I spent time with family I cried almost constantly and couldn’t appreciate being with them. This time was very different.

This has meant I have been able to put a huge fear to rest and that awful experience from when he went to America behind me. I can honestly say last week was a life changing experience for me and healing one. I know I was still ill while he was gone but if I wasn’t I wouldn’t have known if I could have coped with him being away while ill. I know this week wouldn’t have turned out the way it did without the Lords help and that I would have asked him not to go if I hadn’t been guided not too. I am so grateful to Him.

I am grateful to my friends and family too, thank you for being there for me. Considering a year ago I had cut all my family out as I couldn’t cope with seeing them I think we have come a long way. And as I look back I can see all the things the Lord did that felt uncomfortable at the time but have turned out for my own good. I pray I don’t forget this lesson.

God Bless

N.b – Sorry for the poor grammar and bad sentence structure in this post. I hope you understand it ok! 

My Faith

Testimony

Hannah14 Comments

I always find it a little difficult to come back to my blog after a bit of a break. I never intend to take a break, it just always happens. I would love to be able to keep up a regular pace but, well, life doesn’t work that way.

I do have to admit though I was unsure if I was going to come back after the last one, but it just feels right to share this now.

I have been blogging now since August 2008 and a lot has happened in that time. I’ve tried to document as much as I could. Not always easy as I know fellow bloggers will agree. Life doesn’t fit neatly into segments ready to blog, we have to pick it apart to try and work out what people would actually care about and what we wish to document (the latter being more important to me as that’s why I started this blog in the first place) I never expected anyone to read it, I made it public in case it helped anyone else with the same illnesses.

As I am sure you will have guessed this year hasn’t been the easiest for me. I got what I call ‘super ill’ again back in April and, well, I gave up. Chronic and mental illness comes in waves, some waves you can stand up against but some come crashing over you and overwhelm you, you end up being pulled out to sea and thrashed about until you are so tired you cant swim back without help. So I gave up 7 years of fighting to just keep treading water came to an end and I let myself sink.

I could go into what happened, the warning signs, the circumstances, the people that hurt me, but whats the point? It happened I can’t change it.

What I am here to share is what happened to me while I was out there in the sea dragging me down. I called out to God. And he answered. No one was more surprised by this than me. Believe me. Of course Christianity is something I’ve known about a long time, some of my family members are Christians. I have always prided myself on being someone who accepted and ‘understood’ all ‘walks of life’ and I thought I knew and understood Christianity, turns out I knew nothing.

What do I mean by answered? I mean just that, He answered. I went from feeling like there was only one way out to feeling at peace in an instant. I didn’t do anything I just asked for help and I got it. And I’m still getting it.

No one talked to me about God, no person put the thought into my head to call out to Him, it was sheer desperation, I didn’t think anything would happen but it did.

I was no longer afraid of being alone, I started to see and talk to my family again. I stopped wishing myself dead. I have found not one but 4 nice doctors and a therapist who have helped me, been kind to me and I have, finally, been able to forgive all those Drs who have hurt me and been unkind. Never in all the time I have been ill seen so many nice doctors. I’ve never seen so many docs in such a short space of time, no one seems to be giving up on me and I still can’t believe it. There is so much more that has happened to me, everyday brings new blessings and a little bit more healing. The Lord has me now, He isn’t just helping me swim back, He’s pulled me up into his boat and is holding me.

I am still dizzy but my treatment seems to be helping, some symptoms have gone altogether and a lot have got better, I finally feel like I am getting somewhere.

Like I said I write this to document my life and this is too big a thing not to document. I am still so very grateful to everyone who reads my blog and has reached out to me and been there for me. I want you to know if you ever move on there are no hard feelings, I will never stop being grateful or caring for anyone I have met online. Some people online have hurt me deeply and I still care for them and worry that they are ok.

I am new at this and I have no idea what is going to happen or what I will be sharing, I am still very much into my art and crafts but I do it for a different reason now. I still believe firmly in living a life of gratitude but I have a reason to do it now, and someone to be grateful to, who I should have been grateful to all along.  I do know one thing for certain though,

I am not scared of my future any more.

 

God Bless