Tag: Christianity

Gratitude journal

Gratitude Journal

Hannah2 Comments

???????????????????????????????I thought I would pop by again with my thoughts on my first day of documenting my thankfulness to The Lord.

This was actually done yesterday and I was hoping to get the page finished today however I woke up today not feeling too great, I am very tired and I was very tempted to just not bother blogging but I realised it’s days like today that this is all the more important. I may feel ill and be struggling with anxiety but I still have a lot to be grateful for.

So yesterday while working on this page I was thinking about all the physical things I have in my life that I am grateful for. My family, my home, my bed, the fact that I have a husband who takes really good care of me, the fact we have food to eat. All these things I have and there are many people out there who would wish they had them. So why be grateful to God? Because it says in His word:

1 Chronicles 29:11 (King James Version (KJV)):
11 Thine, O Lord is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty: for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O Lord, and thou art exalted as head above all.

Everything I have has been given to me by Him, He owns it all, He created it all. Nothing I can do can earn anything from Him and it has nothing to do with who I am or what kind of a person I am. Its all down to His goodness and mercy. Why He chooses to give some things to some people and not to others I do not know. I cannot see into anyone elses heart or lives like He can so I don’t know what He has given others, none of us do. I try not to take things on face value (which isn’t easy) as we never actually know.

???????????????????????????????All I know is what He has done for me and given me and I find myself taking for granted these things. So I am thanking Him and giving Him the glory for my being alive, for having the people I do in my life and for my home, my bed, the food I have to eat, my cats, my clothes as I have not done anything to deserve any of it. Thank you Lord.

God Bless

My Faith

Family

HannahLeave a comment

I shared a few posts ago now that I have been spending more time with my family. After my breakdown in 2010 I cut myself off from my family, I did see them but it wasn’t often. Whenever there was an organised event or birthday, I would get very anxious as being around people made me feel so unwell, the stimulus was too much. I found it hard to see and talk to anyone even my husband who had to come in from work so quietly as he knew that just that change would make me feel poorly. This depressed me deeply, I remember one family member going into hospital and I couldnt do anything to help, we nearly lost him and all I could do was sit in my living room waiting to hear any news. I felt like I had let everyone down and they were better off not being burdened by me.

When my mental health went downhill again in 2013 I reached out to my family, my Mum started to visit me on a Wednesday afternoon and chat to me via google hangouts as well. I became afraid to be alone and my family stepped up visiting me and checking in on me. I can’t actually list the amount of times I see and talk to my family now as it is so often. In the beginning of this year I even had my younger sister and her husband over for dinner and my older sister and her family. Seeing her boys is such a joy, I was so worried I would miss out on them growing up. The relationship with my Mum has grown so much in The Lord, when I was born again it was like I saw her for the first time, as I now understand that Jesus is with her.

About a month ago I went to see my 4 yr old nephew at his gymnastics class, it was a amazing. I had such an wonderful day, I went charity shopping with my sister and we spent the afternoon and evening laughing like old times.

A couple of months ago we had a surprise tea party for my Mum and we have had one each month since, yesterday it was at my older sisters and we had my 3 year old nephew as a guest, he got a grown up plate with cake which pleased him greatly and me and his Mama had fun blowing bubbles outside while he showed us how you catch them.

As I look back I now I realise how I allowed my illness to ruin so many relationships, I became bitter, jealous and resentful. I believed that everyone was thinking I was weak and pathetic and not trying hard enough. I thought everyone thought I was lying and making out my illness was worse than it was. It effected every relationship I had, especially my marriage.

Now things are very different. When I see my family and my husband I see what the Lord sees. I look forward to spending time with them. His love is so vast and He wants us all to love each other how He loves us. But first we have to know Him as on our own that is impossible. His love is pure and immeasurable. When we try to fit it into our own understanding we can’t understand it as its from a small and human perspective which is why we need to know Him. I mean really know Him, giving your life to Him, walking with Him daily. Turning our hearts to Him and putting Him first in everything. Going to Church each week and thinking that makes you a good person without giving your heart and life to Jesus doesn’t produce that love.

I want to share something… When I was a little girl I looked forward each week to seeing my Mama and Papa. Eveyone I knew that met them always said they felt drawn to them that there was something about them. And I felt it too, when I was with them I felt so comfortable they didnt make me feel silly for anything I said or did, they were so gentle, so gracious and kind and you knew it was real. My Papa had such a gentle and kind voice and when he talked everyone was quiet. He was very wise and I never saw him rise to provocation, he met hostility with grace and kindness. The same was for my Mama who had a beautiful singing voice that always quietened the room, they loved each other so deeply that you saw it every time they looked at one another. She would play the piano for us each week and we would all sing together. I loved them very much. When I was ill I used to console myself by reminding myself that they loved me, these kind and wonderful people loved me… I didn’t understand it because I knew next to them I was not a good person.

When I gave my life to Jesus and started to get to know Him I realised something. The love I felt wasnt just my grandparents. It was Jesus. He loved me and had done from the day I was conceived. He was gently calling me to Him. All those years ago. Next to Him I am not just a not good person for he is perfect but He loves me. And He loves my family He wants me to enjoy being with them and show them His Love. Through me He wants to show his grace and His love for everyone. I pray I can be as open and receptive to that as my Mama and Papa. I am very far from that right now. I hope that through me the Lord can reach other people who felt like I did, lost, afraid, alone and scared and so He can say to them, its ok, I love you. Come home.

This Journal page was inspired by a video I saw of my Mum and the home league group she attends at the salvation army, I felt truly blessed by it 🙂 My Mum is the one on the far right.

 

God Bless x

healing · health · My Faith

Wherever you lead…

Hannah1 Comment

I said in my last post that I had a period of feeling a little dejected after trying something that made me feel unwell, I took a bus to my sisters and back but it was a shock to my system and I didn’t try a little ride first to see what it is like. It had been many years since I had traveled on a bus and I wasn’t prepared to feel that dizzy on it. Before I asked the Lord into my life this would’ve set me right back as I found it so hard to bounce back after years of trying to do it alone.

I have had more than what is ‘normal’ dizzy spells for most of my life. I would ignore them and not say anything but as I got older it just got worse. Eventually after nearly 2 years of going to the doctors asking for help as the spells were getting more frequent and lasting longer the dizziness came back and never went. I tried to keep going back to work, I would take a taxi so I didn’t have to get on the bus but hubby would always end up fetching me as I would be stumbling over and becoming stressed as I couldn’t see properly or do my job. I wouldn’t understand what the customers wanted and all the noise and the lights just made things worse. My colleagues would try to help but eventually they would just end up calling my husband to come and get me. The last day I had at work I broke down in the office as I was so tired of fighting, my colleague, who was a Christian, prayed over me and I left and never went back. I hope one day I can see her and tell her her prayer was answered.

After that I tried to keep going out and carry on as normal, I would go to the local shops and I would get the bus to my Mums, I even went out to the pub a few times to see my brother in law perform despite the noise being so hard to deal with. I tried to fight it no matter how unbearable it got but after 3 years of going to the hospital and trying to keep going I ended up bedridden for a few weeks over Christmas. Once again though I picked myself up and tried to fight, that was really hard as I got to the point were I was afraid to come down the stairs for fear of falling. However I kept getting up even though everything was constantly moving and that year I even went to my sisters wedding and danced for 1 song. That year as well (2009) I had to have paramedics come out a couple of times just to give me a high dose of sickness medication so I could get out of bed. My hubby and my Mum would help me, that was embarrassing for a 28 year old but there was no other choice. (Though out all of this my husband has been an amazing support)

I still kept fighting, believing the GP who went against the specialists advice and took me off my medication as he believed it was depression. But it kept getting worse. I was eventually sent for CBT therapy and ended up having a breakdown. (end of 2010) After that everything stopped and I became sofa bound, I stopped going into town, I stopped going to the seaside and on long rides in the car and I stopped seeing my family and friends.

I decided that I wasn’t going to see another doctor, that I was going to do it alone, I was going to exercise and eat right and make myself well. And I did those things, I lost 2 and a half stone and even though I would exercise  and then go upstairs and collapse in the bathroom, everything spinning and the head pressure getting unbearable, clinging on to the shower curtain and the bath but I kept doing it.  I did this for nearly 2 years, but it kept getting worse. I lost weight and I felt better in myself because of the exercise but I was still dizzy and the head pressure kept getting worse my vision started to go weird and I kept falling to one side. I became tired and struggled to keep up with the exercise and eventually it stopped. I blamed all sorts for it saying it was the (online) work I was doing at the time but ultimately it was because my body could not cope with everything I was forcing it to do. Which wasn’t that much as I look back now, as everything I did apart from the exercise I did in the sofa unable to move much. Plus hubby took me out in the car for a little drive most days to help me get out.

I decided it was time to take some tests, I had a belief that my hormones were playing a part in this so I got private tests and found out I was right, I found out my T3 (thyroid hormone) levels were so low they were at the levels expected for patients in intensive care. I panicked, I knew I had to see a doctor but I was scared because of how I had been treated so my mental health took another nose dive and this time I really couldn’t fight any more. it was gone and I started to feel suicidal. I really didn’t know where else to turn.

Out of sheer desperation I prayed, I called out to God and I got an answer. And things finally started to get better. Now I don’t have to fight and a year after coming to Christ I found myself in a hospital bed having had surgery feeling so calm and so loved despite feeling so unwell.

Now when I fall he catches me and He renews my spirit. When things become too much I run to him and He helps me. With His help I went back to the doctors. I am still far from well but when I go too far like I discussed in the last post I turn to Him and He comforts me.

When the bus incident happened in July I was tempted to fall into my old thought patterns I was tempted to forget that things are different now and He is here. But He reminded me, He called to me and I gave it all to Him. One night I just listed everything that was worrying me, everything that was on my mind and left it in His hands. And I felt at peace. I don’t need to do anything, I don’t need to fight to push or force my body to do anything it can’t do because He will do it, all of it. He helps my mind, my body and my spirit. He helps in practical ways, I have found that every doctor I saw before got ruder and ruder and refused to help, after, I can’t begin to tell you how much kindness and help I have had and when they are hindered from helping because of the system The Lord has provided in other ways. He helps our spirits, by his word and by talking with Him. He comforts our spirit and calms our minds. He is in everything and He is a very present help in trouble.

Thank You Lord.

This week my dizzyness has flared up and yesterday I sat down to paint some fabric for uni and I had a vertigo attack. Once again I panicked thinking that it was all coming back, that I was going to end up so ill I couldn’t move again. But last night I listened to this message from my church and I remembered that things are different now so I talked to Jesus and fell asleep.

So many wonderful things have happened since I came to my Lord, things I didn’t precipitate, all I have done is just turn up and turn to Him. Step out the door, go to the GP and let Him lead it all. He doesn’t promise His way is an easy path, if fact He states the opposite, but I can tell you, it is worth it. Because I no longer have to fight and wear myself out, I just have to turn up and ask Jesus where I need to be.

This has been along post, thank you for reading I pray that whoever reads this feels the peace I am talking about, a peace that surpasses all understanding. If not, then give to Him, turn to Him, He is waiting.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light

Matthew 11:28-30

God Bless x
healing · My Faith

July

Hannah2 Comments

July has been a very busy month, I have been trying to finish my drawing module (only a little more to do now) and also still playing catch up with textiles since my surgery. This has mainly been what I have been doing (as well as journaling) however some other things happened also:

I had a bit of a set back as I tried to take a bus into town which turned out harder than expected, however, I did it and I know that I just need to try smaller journeys when I am ready to try again. There have been some wonderful things happen this month however that I never used to be able to to do.

Been to a lot of shops, I only had to stay in the car a couple of times, I am still just doing small shops but I am spending longer and longer out which is wonderful. I shared this story on my facebook yesterday which explains why this is such a huge thing for us.

I drew outside, I have never done this before! I have recently managed more drawing in the garden but this was actually outside near the woods at the bottom of my street.

I have been trying to get a bit fitter, I started doing some regular low grade exercise.

I have still been visiting family, we have had 2 birthdays and I have been going to my sisters for dog sitting duties. Plus we had another cream tea afternoon.

I have started learning to play the keyboard, I am not sure where this is going but I am having fun.

I went for a walk last week and I ended up being faced with a huge hill that I hadn’t climbed in many years. I shared about it on instagram. The photo is the beginning of the hill, it has three sections, each one steeper than the last. I actually ending up taking a wrong turn because I was trying to avoid a dog running around, if that hadn’t had happened I never would’ve gone to this hill myself. However, The Lord knew I was ready 🙂

Hubby had a long weekend off last weekend and we invited the family round for a BBQ, this was such a blessing, so relaxing sitting in the sunshine, this time last year I couldn’t even spend 10 mins in my garden without needing to go back in. You can read all about here on my Mums blog 🙂

So lots of new things this month! At the beginning of the month I was feeling a little dejected after trying the bus ride and if that had happened before I became a Christian it would’ve completly set me back but The Lord renewed my spirit, I will talk about this in the next post I think but for now, lots of things from this month to Praise my Lord for!

God Bless x

 

 

My Faith

Help for weary hearts

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I have it on my heart to share this.

Last week I started to feel tired, I have been doing a lot more and from years of inactivity my body has lost muscle mass and my joints and bones have weakened so I get tired easily. But, more importantly not only did I feel tired in my body I felt tired in my spirit.

I dont know why but I thought there was something wrong with me. Everywhere I looked I saw people being horrible to each other, I saw people acting in a way that made me feel uncomfortable, a few other things happened and I started to question everyone I saw and spoke to (mainly online as I still dont get to talk to many people in the flesh, so to speak.) I became distrustful, then I started to question myself. It was a very quick snowball effect that eventually had me wondering if I was truly saved.

I broke down one night and when I came to pray I didnt know what to say, I found I couldnt pray I just didnt know how to express what was happening with me.

Then, to try and take my mind of of things I looked at my blog reader, I had a lot of blogs to catch up on and this came into my feed.

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.”
Hebrews 12:3

Then this blog post, telling me to look to Jesus and not to the world, to focus on His life and what He went through.

I knew the Lord was telling me what to do, so I am doing it and even though I still feel very physically tired I know that I am safe, that I am loved and that I am saved and my spirit grows stronger as I grow closer to Jesus.

I thought that I was the only one who felt this way. But I realised that there would be no need for the Lord to say these words in scripture if no one else went though this.

So I just want to say to anyone who is feeling dragged down by the world, by the nastyness, by how we treat each other and by the people who claim to follow Jesus then say things about Him that are so wrong and hurtful it hurts your spirit to hear it. Look to Him, seek Him, learn about Him and all those things will fade away.

 

My Faith

Shops

Hannah4 Comments

Its been nearly 3 weeks since my surgery, I am healing very well and I was very happy to be able to get back to going out more quite soon afterwards.

When I became ill going into shops became harder and harder and as my illness went on, it eventually got so difficult I stopped altogether. The noise, the lighting, the people were all too much stimulation and made my dizziness/movement and head pressure too bad to deal with. If I did manage to force myself it would take days sometimes weeks for my symtoms to go back down to the baseline.

But since giving my life to Jesus things are changing, some of it been so slow that I hardly noticed it and then one day several weeks ago I asked if we could go to the shops. I started out by going into quiet supermarkets for a few minutes and build up from there. We try not to make a big deal out of it and make it as normal as possible just going to places where and when we actually need something.  And if I find myself becoming overwhelmed when I go in, I stand still and I pray and the Lord helps me. I am still very much at the beginning of this but I am feeling very encouraged by how it has been going.

As I look back I see so many things changing in my life and so many things happening. Some have been so subtle I haven’t even noticed until it has happened and so much has happened without even me trying, that’s the power of God’s grace for us.

Something that I am finding is I can do more and my symptoms don’t get as bad as they did before. Its hard to explain. I am finding I recover quicker from things where as before I would be ill for so long that doing it again just filled me with dread.

Trying on the wares, thats what you do, right?

Also last year I did try to go to shops and it didn’t work as well, I was still very ill and one of the lessons I am learning from this is that I have to be patient as the Lord’s timing is always perfect. Even if we do something that seems right, even something like going to Church and the Lord isn’t ready for us to do it, we shouldnt be discouraged if it doesnt turn out how we expected and just wait for the Lords will for us. Its a hard lesson I have to admit but when I think how I tried to force it before I was ready and before God wanted me to compared to how I am now having waited I know it is a lot better to just trust and know that God doesn’t change things for us until we change for Him.

We have a great sweetie shop on our little town 🙂

So May was a month of getting into shops more plus facing big issues with my health.  April and March was doing the garden (which is still a working progress but we have a lot of lovely things growing in our garden now, I will share very soon), finding new places to walk out with hubby plus facing fears with scans etc. Also thoughout this year I have been going to see my family more and more. I think I will share that in another post though.

I wonder what June will hold? 🙂 One thing is for sure God has gone before me and will be there no matter what!

God bless x

 

health · My Faith

Surgery

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Page done the day after my surgery

So not long after I wrote my last post on going to the hospital I received a phone call from my surgeons receptionist asking if I could go in the next morning for my operation as they had had a cancelation. I am sure you can imagine my reaction. But I still said yes, I knew this was in Gods hands and He was leading this as He had done from the beginning.

It is now a week later and I can say it’s been a life changing week. The surgery was to remove a lump from my temple. I have had a small lump above my eyebrow since childhood but over the past few years it, or I believe it was that I dont know yet, started to grow and change shape. I ignored it at first plus I was so ill I hardly noticed it, I never looked in a mirror I didn’t see the point. Other people noticed it though and family was starting to ask and worry about it.

Before the op

However not long after I gave my life to Jesus in May 2013, I went back to the Drs (which was a shock to everyone as I had decided I would never go back again after the treatment I had had). While there my husband mentioned the lump as I had no intention of doing so and the Dr sent me to hospital. I was sent for an MRI last June but I couldnt do it as I can’t tolarate lieing flat so I thought I was discharged. Months later a letter came though the door asking me to go back. I realised then that The Lord wanted me to get this sorted so I went for an ultrasound and a CT both very hard but the Lord strengthened me each time I went.

They still didn’t know what it was so said the best course of action was surgery to get a proper diagnoses. Hence the phonecall last week.

As I look back I can see the Lords hand in all of this. The CT was a big challenge for me and I felt his presence during that so strongly. Every thing I have had to do He has calmed me and considering I suffer from anxiety I know it’s nothing to do with me. Before my operation I felt so peaceful, I had nerves of course I did but I just knew I was doing something I was supposed to be doing and that He was there and I was safe. I accepted my nerves and saw them for what they were and that feelings can not take me out of my Fathers hands.

The few days after were hard, I didnt take very well to all the meds or anasthetic they gave me and was very sick and couldn’t eat properly for a few days, but once again even though my body was shaking and I was being ill I felt peaceful deep inside. Its hard to explain. I think its something that can only be felt to be understood to be honest. This doesnt mean that I didnt cry and get upset because I did, it was a shock to my system and I was in pain (but not as much as I expected to be honest, Praise the Lord). The Lord continually reminded me of His presence and reassured me of His love, He knows my weakness and He understands. He does for all of us.

– This was taken yesterday after my stitches came out, looking at these pics I can’t believe I didn’t realise how much of a difference it made to me, I wasnt bothered by how I look and I’m still not. This wasn’t done for cosmetic reasons at all but I am surprised by how different I feel in myself now its gone.

I have received so much support and kindness from so many people its been overwhelming, I’ve had messages of’ support and so many people praying for me. I have a lovely friend who has been there for me who has provided emotional and spiritual support, I strongly believe the Lord has bought us both together. And then there’s my husband I can’t even begin with that one, he sat in the hospital for nearly 6 hours just so I didnt have to wait after being discharged, I don’t deserve him. He has looked after me since I became ill and I love him very very much. He encouraged me to keep eating, he worries so much when I can’t. I know he won’t read this I just pray that he knows how much I appreciate him and that I show and tell him enough.

I won’t know any more until the test results are back so I have no idea if this is the end or if there is any more to come. I do have a few things that will take time to get used to, my face looks quite different which I wasnt expecting and I dont know if I will gain movement back in my eyebrow (the surgeon did warn me of this) however I do know The Lord will be there no matter what happens as He doesn’t change. Ever.

I know that as health issues go this isn’t the worst thing that can happen but the Lord is there for us in all our trials, He knows our hearts and strengthens us especially those like me who are a little weaker than others. I don’t mind because I know in my weakness I allow Him to reveal His glory so I am happy to be weak.

 

Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you

But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.

1 Peter 4:12-13 KJV

(I think this part of scripture is about persecution, but the Lord used it to help me through and I am very grateful to Him for it)

God Bless
My Faith

Hospital

HannahLeave a comment

I wrote this two weeks ago and I just logged in to post and saw it I thought I would share it now.

 

I have had a wonderful few days. I had a lovely easter and it was our anniversary too. I got out a lot more than I thought I would I have been going into shops it has been great. I have wanted to pop by and record all this for some time but the downside of doing more is that life gets busier plus and I still need rest. I do enjoy sharing my walk with the Lord though.

I do wish to share something that happened to me today.

Today was a hospital day, the results of the CT scan to be more precise. It turned out to be a fairly stressful event as there was no parking and I was forced to go in alone while hubby carried on looking for a car park with a space. Add to that that they were running late and so my stress levels were fairly high. I sat in the waiting room and cried, I couldn’t stop the tears and got frustrated because of that which made things worse. I was mad at myself as I snapped at hubby about the parking situation and I felt so dizzy I started to panic in the waiting room I had no idea how late they were running but I knew there was a good chance I had to go in alone as hubby hadn’t yet arrived. I looked up, tears streaming, I am one of those people whoses faces go red straightaway and I can’t hide it. Everyone avoided my gaze except one young man, at first I was embarrassed as he was looking at me. Then I noticed the handcuffs on his wrists and the prison officer next to him. I met his gaze and he looked so concerned for me I cried some more, he smiled a reassuring smile then someone sat down between us. I felt so humbled that this man felt compassion towards me. And I felt great compassion towards him also.

It reminded me that no matter how bleak things seem it is always possible to think of someone else. The Lord teaches that we should always be there for others as He is there for us. I have to say that I feel incredibly humbled that the Lord chose that young man to remind me of this.

 

My Faith

Update

Hannah1 Comment

I have been wanting to pop by and do an update for a few days now but I am unsure of what to say, truth is a lot has happened. Life is changing everyday and it’s all going a little too fast for me to record. I have gone from sitting in the same chair day in and out for years hardly going out to doing at least one thing a day, I still need rest days but even on those days I can still do a small task such make a drink or something. I am finding that I have pushed myself a bit far a couple for times as this is all new to me. I am having to take it slow but its still a faster pace than I am used to.

I thought I would just give you some highlights of the past several weeks (March and April so far)

3 hospital trips, I managed to do a CT scan last week which I am still a little amazed by as I still can not lie down properly. It was definitely an amazing experience one I will probably share in more detail later.

Gardening, I have been helping hubby in the garden mainly cuppa making duties but I have helped paint the poor neglected shed and have helped do a little digging. And yes that’s me painting a shed!! I am aware I look pretty rough (I haven’t looked well in a long time) but I don’t care because, yay, I am painting a shed!!

Last week I painted our upstairs doors, that too I am still a little amazed by though I did need to rest lots afterwards and lots of rest in between. I am finding that I can get up and do things in little spurts then I sit for a bit then do some more. Which is so amazing.

I have been in a few shops, this I am really excited about as I had gotten very afraid of going out as all the stimulation was too much but I have been in a few quiet shops and even bought my nephews a present myself for the first time since they were born! That was such a blessing. I bought them some car shoes.

I have also managed to visit some family. Hubby has been taking taking me out to these places not quite there to go on my own just yet but I am feeling so more hopeful than I ever have that one day I will be able to get out and about properly on my own. However I have been on a little walk out alone recently (today in fact, its so beautiful out there). The picture above is of my sisters little Chihuahua who was very interested in the biscuit I was eating.

Uni work, I have finished my first assignment for this module which was only 2 weeks late! Believe me compared to the last module that is a great improvement. I have a learning log/blog that I write here if anyone is interested in what I am doing.

So, as you can see a lot has happened, some of this is thanks to the fact that I have help cleaning now and that hubby is so willing to take me out to try new places. I have finally admitted I need help and I am very glad I did 🙂

And of course I couldn’t do anything without Jesus, today for example I stood at the top of a hill I hadn’t walked down in many years, I felt dizzy looking down and started to panic, I breathed and reminded myself of what He has done for me so far, that He has always been there for me and I felt His presence next to me reassuring me that I would be ok so I fought the urge to turn back and guess what, I was ok. (I took the pic once I had calmed down a little) I know a lot of people would think this is all in my head, something I am used to being accused of throughout my illness also. I am ok with that because, like my illness (which is now being proved via tests) I know it’s not and I will continue to look to Him for help and support as I receive it when I do. As will anyone who asks with a heart that wishes to seek Him.

Psalm 18:46 - NIV

God Bless

art journal · My Faith

Journaling

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March has ended up being a fairly quiet month online, I will share what I have been doing soon. I have had this week off as hubby has been off work and I wanted to spend time with him. Things have been slowly getting busier this year and we both needed a break.

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Today however I would like to share my journaling practice with you. You may have noticed that I have been sharing my pages on my wordless Wednesday series. I have been creating this way for a few years now but when I came to Christ He started to use it as a way to help me in my bible studies and getting to know Him more, help me to remember the lessons He has for me as well as a way to pray and worship.

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I have never been interested in creating finished pieces of art in this way I have always used it as a way of exploration and now it has an added meaning to me. I dedicate it to the Lord and I am so grateful to Him for the enjoyment I get from creating.

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When you come to the Lord Jesus He takes you just as you are and He uses whatever situation you are in for His glory. We change  as we learn more about Him and allow the Holy spirit to change us (some changes happen instantly, such as the joy and peace only found in knowing Him). He will always use whatever gifts He has given us to use for His glory and to bring us closer to Him. For me, the enjoyment I get from being creative is one of those gifts. I don’t claim to be any good but that isn’t the goal.

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I enjoy this form of creativity more now than I ever have, it has more meaning to me now and I get so much more out of it.

I have shared this before I think but before I came to Christ I felt useless, everywhere I looked the media and society seemed to think that those of us who couldn’t work were lazy scroungers. I felt like I wasn’t contributing to anything and useless to the world.

The Lord has changed that, He has given me a purpose and that purpose is to live for Him, the best purpose there is. I used to care what others thought. Even though it was something that made me feel uncomfortable I allowed myself to be taken in by lies that we need to be earning lots of money and qualifications to be happy and for others to respect us. I tied myself up in knots trying to fit in and now I feel free 🙂  Its wonderful. I don’t have to impress anyone, I don’t have to do anything. Everything I do for the Lord is because I want to and I love it. He doesn’t ask anyone to come to Him or to do anything for Him out of duty. That is not what being a Christian is about at all. Everything we do is a response to His love. My heart sings with joy knowing that everything I love doing that is pleasing to Him He will use. Art and creativity is one of those things.

God Bless

And thou, Solomon my son, know thou the God of thy father, and serve him with a perfect heart and with a willing mind: for the LORD searcheth all hearts, and understandeth all the imaginations of the thoughts: if thou seek him, he will be found of thee; but if thou forsake him, he will cast thee off for ever. 

1Ch 28:9

Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.